cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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