you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
