i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
