u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
