I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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