Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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