I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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