It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
