I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
