Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
