I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
