it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
