dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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