hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
