RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
