she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
