dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize