In the future we'll all be gay
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Someone came in the potted fern
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
