Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
