I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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