I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
