So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
