Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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