Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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