I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
