u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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