I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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