She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
