Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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