it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
