I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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