I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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