I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
