oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
