I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
