I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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