I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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