I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
