I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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