I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
