Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize