Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
