Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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