if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
