I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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