Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry about my life...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
