ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize