is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
