i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
