guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
