OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
