chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
