True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
