I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
