Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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