just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
worst night to have a conscience
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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