Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
