ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
