She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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