My hand turned me down
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
