i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
