Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
