Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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