I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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