Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
