let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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