You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
