So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
