so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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